My first panic attack

after writing my post on saturday, i had what i think was a panic attack.

oh boy, it was scary, i don’t think i can recall ever having one before and it was definitely one of the scary moments in my life. i don’t particularly want to experience it again.

i put on itunes with my studying playlist and i started doing even more maths equations. i was fine, solving equation after equation. i was working with limits and when feeling comfortable, i moved on.

i started to find the tangent and normal of an equation and this is where it started. i couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to solve these problems. i went blank and nothing was coming out. i looked over previous examples and still … the dreaded nothing.

i started to panic, my music was blasting, i was working myself up and i had started to get hot. i was feeling sick to the stomach and i had sufficiently freaked myself out with my own negative inner thoughts. i stepped away from the equations that scared me and started to work on different ones.

that’s when it became even worse, it was as though my brain has reached high frustration levels and had turned itself off. i couldn’t even solve the equations i was confident with and even simply multiplications weren’t happening. i paused my music and took a deep breath.

i stepped away.

i had too, i wasn’t getting anywhere. i was making matters worse for myself by trying to force my way through equations when it was clear that my brain had clearly given up on me. i was digging an even deeper hole trying to continue so i had dinner, chatted with my mum and went to sleep. admittedly i did have a shocking night sleep, i was tossing and turning all night.

i think i’m putting too much pressure on myself and i am clearly overwhelming myself. i need to figure out how i deal with these issues before this happens again because it wasn’t anything i want to be repeating.

i took all of sunday off and this morning, i’ve been confidently going through my equations without a hitch – t-minus 6 hours until the class test, wish me luck!